beauty is as beauty does

self esteem....aaaah, that's a huge topic! i've always struggled with it and i think that's why skunk is such a HUGE totem for me...he has helped somewhat over the years and i've been working more with him lately to help me gain that self esteem.

i was always criticized and my physical attributes and/or lack of poked fun at by my mother and older sister as i grew up...never smart enough, never good enough on my grades, always skinny and underdeveloped...this was all fodder. my choices in life were never right either....i should have been a school teacher (teaching art), i should not have married so and so, i should have gotten a college degree...on and on and on....

i've chosen to shut those voices out physically and went a year w/o speaking to my mom and sister because of their criticism about my parenting choices. i've been guilted back into the relationship by my father but tread very lightly.

when people tell me they are beautiful, i think to myself, are you nuts?! are you looking at the same person i am?! it's funny, i can see the beauty in everyone else, but i cannot see it in myself. i really need to work on this. having dreadlocks is actually helping me be more comfortable with myself for some reason but i want to be more comfortable and more accepting of myself. another blogger that i read religiously posted a link to the tiny buddha who had a post on 35 simple ways to be beautiful. it's a great reminder of what true beauty is and how to make yourself more beautiful. once i can get my printer to decide to work again, i plan on printing out the list to hang next to my work area as a gentle reminder.