even as i packed stuff in boxes to ship off to the thrift shop, my partner was digging through the box, taking items out and running off with them, squirreling them away in his portion of the house and shed. wtf? these were not even items he purchased or wanted!
i am at a loss on how to let go of so much. in my future i hope to scale down to a converted bus/home and looking around my home, i could easily fill 10 buses! how does one make the jump and let go? how does one not only let go of stuff accumulated in their lifetime but sentimental stuff that was given to them by friends and family?!
this recent force of purging activity was brought about by visiting a friend's house. this friend normally comes to our house each week because she lives in town and we live in a semi-rural area where her boys can play and be boys. she also moved here a 2 years ago from new zealand. (she was originally from the midwest). her home is so sparse and simple. even in her cabinets with dishes and food, it is basic and simple. bare necessities of furniture, no piles of paper, receipts, old magazines, mail, etc. it was so nice, clean, refreshing and i was very envious. when i pointed out the sparsity, she said she was sure if she had not moved internationally several times over the past years that she too would have an accumulation but i doubt it would be as bad as my house. she just doesn't accumulate. she doesn't collect, store, hoard. oh to be so free!!
how does one break free from this cycle? i suppose/hope that what i've done today is a step in the right direction. possibly once i make one go around through the house, i can start a 2nd go around and get down to the nitty gritty...
it's especially hard with homeschooling kids. i try to keep around things that i think we can use. crafty things, fabric, etc. plus, trying to live a 'simple' lifestyle causes one to accumulate tools necessary for this simplicity....grain grinders, cherry pitters, foley mill, pressure canners, pasta makers, just to name a few. it's crazy. i was in tears last night thinking about the exhaustion i have over trying to live a simple life and raise my kids the 'right' way. i questioned the simplicity of taking 3 hours to make pasta for a meal (and even though i make extra for further meals, it still takes time). the flip side is buying items premade at the grocery store that are full of preservatives or spending a premium to buy foods that are not.
it is so exhausting and unrewarding (seemingly, to me at the moment) to live this life. i am drained. beaten down. i think if the house burned down today, there's not much i'd miss. but then, when i go to get rid of stuff, i can't let it go. WHY?!!! how does one break this cycle and let go?
one answer is to not visit stores anymore except when necessary. i love thrift shopping but i don't need it. all too often, i don't leave with what i needed but with great finds i just couldn't leave without. agh! it doesn't help that the kids are with me and do the same and i feel guilty...why should i buy myself all these good finds but refuse to let them have some too? that doesn't seem fair.
the good thing is, i want to purge. i want to get rid of crap, i want to let go. i am working on it. i got rid of a lot today and i'm sure i'll get rid of more before it's all done. it's hard to plan for the future when you don't know what to expect but i hope to try to strip it down to basics that will allow the kids freedom to create and learn while giving my mind the sanity of simplicity. looks like i've got my work cut out for me.